Dearest Caroline, We are absolutely thrilled with your flash entry “Wave Goodbye”. You manage to capture the roller coaster ride of a relationship, brief though it may be, in a flurry of well-chosen words all […]
Category: Rejection Letters
Personal Rejection Letter: The Deadname
Dear Ethan Leonard, Thank you for sending your latest impulse decision to sign yourself to another chain pizza restaurant’s points program. I appreciate your previous work of ignoring three brothers insulting you at a young […]
Rejection Letter: Annick Yerem
Dear Endometriosis, I remain extraordinarily bewildered that you have chosen me as a life-partner and feel that I am certainly not a good home for you at this point in my life. It has been […]
Rejection Letter: Jesse Hilson
Dear Post-Orgasmic Neurasthenia, It was such an interesting feature to have you accompany me through my teenage years, I suppose, but you have overstayed your welcome which leads me to say we really can’t afford […]
Rejection Letter: Mike Hickman
Dear _______ Forgive me (you won’t forgive me), but I don’t know the best form of address for you. It was never right and you hated it, I know, when it changed, when it became […]
Rejection Letter: Jason Schwartzman
Dear Watermelon Pub Trivia Team By the Back Left Table AKA “Kookie Cat Men,” That means you, Gilbert. And yes, you too, Basil, though everyone knows you only come when your girlfriend is out of […]
Rejection Letter: Timothy Tarkelly
Dear Pitchfork contributor, When James decided to soulfully plea for help, with his anger, his ability to understand questions, to punch through glass in the productive way, and when he decided to accompany his plea […]
Hello Mother, Hello Father
Dear Katie, Why did you drop me off at this stupid camp. I’ve been here for a very long time. Maybe even half of my life. Please come rescue me. I told you I didn’t […]
Rejection Letter: Stacy Murison
Dear Women who argue about religion on restroom walls, I couldn’t help but notice your engaging dialog on the restroom wall—the restroom situated (appropriately and thankfully) between the coffee shop, the wine shop, and the […]
Rejection Letters 