And yet upon graduating college you insist on leaving that lumpy brown heap on the sidewalk, a little going away gift to your neighbors who never once flattened your tires as payback for the red […]
Category: Rejection Letters
Rejection Letter: Sheldon Birnie
I can assure you that there is absolutely no evidence, scientific or otherwise, to support your theory that werewolves run wild within our Park boundaries
A Rejection Letter to Hawaiian Pizza
Hawaiian Pizza is responsible for the death of my dear Tutu!
After the Message Beep: Nostalgia Calls
You’re just as caring and attentive as my other exes X, Boomer, Silent, Greatest, and Lost.
Rejection Letter: Father’s Day Edition
Dear the Last Time I Carried You Back to Bed: I just realized it’s been six months since you’ve staggered into our room, crawled into our bed, snuggled up to our bodies, then needed to […]
The First Text On My WhatsApp the Thursday Afternoon After My Last Semester Paper or A Lover’s Cheerful Goodbye Note
Your love was great but not for me. Though, we had a lot of good moments, like banging in my sister’s place under a veil not to mention the moment with the stars.
Thank You For Applying To Leave Your Group Text!
Dear (212) 769-5722 — Thank you for applying to leave your group text! We were absolutely blown away by the applicant pool this year. We read through many submissions including, but not limited to: family […]
Rejection Letter: Michael McGill
…and the narrow eyes of the poets glaze over at this point, for ‘unfortunately’ is a word we wear well.
Anatomical Rejections
We review hundreds of asses, and while we feel this reflects well upon our unique features and reputation, the downside is that we simply cannot accommodate every ass.
Rejection Letters 