Dear Applicant of the “Fun Person” Initiative,
I would like to thank you for your application using many positive adjectives to get your hopes up that we have approved you to be a certified Fun Person. However, as we have moved on to the second sentence, I must state that I regret to inform you that at this moment, you have not met the qualifications to be considered a Fun Person with the rest of the fun people of the world. In a moment of feeling superior and taking pity on your hapless standing, I have listed suggestions curtesy of our verified Fun Person Team.
Word Choice: When asked to find synonyms for fun, you stated the following “Frivolous, frolicsome, facetious, and flippant.” The board at first thought you were possibly one of our senior applicants or an English major, but on the second examination, we realized we were mistaken. I advise you to view some of our sample profiles, provided on our website for you to compare yourself to.
Profile Picture: We were surprised about your choice of photo. Its monochrome-desperateness in an attempt to look mysterious(?) differed from our usual applicants’ choice of images, where they were smiling. A pro tip is to possibly utilize an IG filter such as “Golden Hour,” or “Princess,” to bring a certain vibrancy to your face and surroundings. Pretending to enjoy yourself or laugh goes a long way as well.
Credentials: When asked to describe your ideal weekend, you used phrases such as “people-less,” “Netflix under the clean blanket,” and “copious amounts of ice cream… preferably not the Publix brand.” While I’m sure this is a delightful way to spend an evening, I’m not sure it parallels our organization’s ideals of what fun is, and we are looking for someone with a bit more experience. To pad your resume, I advise you to engage in some activities that involve others in a public space where you must make eye contact and conversation with someone other than your Super Mutt.
I hope my suggestions aid your journey to becoming a fun person. I would like to remind you that, like hotness and smiling correctly in pictures, the fun does not come naturally, or possibly ever, to just anyone. Perhaps you would like to consider applying to Introverts Anonymous or Book Club that Judges People Instead of Reads Monthly.
Thank you so much for your application, and have a festive day
Sincerely -The Fun Initiative Team 🙂
“Every time an extrovert laughs, another introvert cries in the shower.”
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Celina Naheed is an Iranian American writer and artist from Atlanta, who likes writing words and then letting them hang out in lit mags like Anti Heroin Chic, The Aurora Review, BreakBread Magazine, and the Lumiere Review.
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image: MM Kaufman
Rejection Letters 