Mood: Ted Bundy Representing Himself At His Own Trial (Mallory smart)

The day after her terrible hangover she decided that she finally needed coffee.

She woke up feeling slightly energetic but knew that this was a fleeting feeling so she immediately went to the Postmates app on her phone to order coffee.

After looking for a minute or two she realized she deleted it the week before in an effort to save money and possibly lose weight.

Today was not the day to save money or lose weight though.

She downloaded it again, hoping that it still had her credit card information so she wouldn’t have to walk into the closet with her backpack and credit card.

She decided that she might as well order breakfast on the app as well to avoid the small bag fee.

After ordering she felt regret and happiness at the same time.

Fuck life is sad.

She looked at the app and saw that it was already too late to cancel the order so she leaned into it and held onto the positive feeling associated.

Now she wouldn’t have to go grind the Stumptown coffee beans and put the grounds into the coffee machine and wait for them to brew.

Now she could just hang on the couch watching that Ted Bundy thing on Netflix and chill.

She never wanted anyone to know she was this lazy and sad, so she strategically posted random social media pics with the illusion that she was actually out or she was home from an early work day.

It’s funny how everyone probably does this. 

She took a picture of the coffee she got and wrote the caption “after work-out reward.”

Lying fuck.

She smiled knowing that people probably believed it and maybe even felt a little bit bad about their own laziness.

Mission accomplished.
She then watched 2 hours of Ted Bundy and in 2 months She’d actually have to go back to work at some point.

Just not then.


Mallory Smart is a Chicago-based writer and is the Editor-in-Chief of the publishing house, Maudlin House. She also talks about music and literature on the podcast, Textual Healing.