Rejection Letters

Rejection Letter: Melinda Wyers

Dear Yellow Starburst,

While we understand that both the Pink and Red varieties of your confectionary ilk have gone on to have great solo careers, the All-Reds” collab was a hit with gentrified vintage theaters, it is currently out of our grasp to do the same for your proposed All-Lemon editions.

Your claim that “someone’s ex-boyfriend only likes Yellow Starbursts” seems to be an edge case (or just made up) as our research has proven otherwise. Every year around Halloween and Easter our returns department is bombarded with sandwich baggies filled with dog hair and grass stain covered yellow squares, demanding they be reimbursed with proper Starburst flavors.

Look, we know this isn’t what you want to hear, as you well know the yellow candy market is currently being monopolized by the Banana Runts Cartel and there just isn’t anything we can do to stop it at this point. Perhaps your concept would better play out in the self-marketing world of the Amazon Confectionary Marketplace. One of our interns is paying his bills by selling mason jars of all Purple Skittles and seems to be getting on well enough, perhaps you could try that.

Least affectionately,

The Mars Inc, Marketing Dept and Grill

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Melinda Wyers is the self-published author of The Widow of Redbriar. She is on twitter @jetgirlart and her work can be seen at www.misprintspublishing.com.

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