We, the dust bunnies, are TIRED of y’all shacking up on the couch and shaking us to PIECES! We’ve lost ten of our young just this week. In fact, we are concerned with yr extended unemployment, yr BIZARRE all-night episodes and yr general degredations of character, Mr. STATLER and Mz. WHOEVER! Yr leftover fireball bottles and loose cigarettes got us wily – we’ve hung them black lace panties into a pirate’s flag on the pipes in the basement. Get freaky in the bedroom OR ELSE! Try the vacuum, like last time – there are suicide bombers in the lint trap prepared to ESCALATE. We will not quit detuning that TERRIBLE BANJO – don’t we hear youse enough?? We wanta watch TV when we wanta! The shower mold will back us. We multiply faster than you could ever fear. Yr deck of poker cards will never be complete again.
P.S. THE REMOTE NEEDS NEW BATTERIES
P.S.S. WE GIVE Y’ALL A YEAR!!!
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Julián Martinez (he/him) is the son of Mexican and Cuban immigrants. His poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in HAD, Hooligan Mag, Prolit and elsewhere. His work has received The Society of Professional Journalists’ Mark of Excellence and has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize. Find him online @martinezfjulian.
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image: MM Kaufman
Rejection Letters 