Dear Osteoporosis,
Thank you for your enthusiasm and willingness to participate in every physical activity we offer. Your commitment to taking every instance of the utterance “break a leg” literally is truly astounding. The extent and variation of photographic evidence documenting your efforts, successful and rarely unsuccessful, demonstrates your true dedication to staying relevant. However, we regret to inform you that we must reject your advances once again. Your persistence is borderline harassment and we have now taken steps to issue you a cease and desist order. Please take this seriously. We do believe your work would be better placed elsewhere, perhaps try an editor who is old, rich and nasty – someone with a good health insurance plan. We thank you for your continued interest in this body, but she is no longer accepting submission.
Kind regards,
#TooYoungForThisShit
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Elise Finney, now 24, grew up in Thailand, but has studied in the US and completed both her Bachelors and Masters’ degree in the UK in English. In 2021, she released her debut album of original songs entitled ‘Downstruck by EMRYS’. She currently splits her time among the three continents, but her pets remain in Bangkok. They include five cats, five dogs and two not-so-micro pigs. Elise is enthusiastic to become a teacher, where she hopes to inspire students to love reading and develop their voices.
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image: Claire C. Wood
Rejection Letters 