Sometimes I don’t drink at parties.
I like the energy of marinating in intoxicated crowds and perfecting my RBF.
It’s much easier to appear uninterested sober–
Please don’t approach me.
I’ll advocate for impersonal communication.
Let me send you ambiguous pictures across the bar–
my sweaty forehead and the cynical bartender who puts up with my shit,
We both know what you want.
I want something, too. Knowing you
are here is intellectually erotic–I’m not
going to give myself to you. Instead,
Here is my free gift: a box for blue balls.
Feel free to leave a product review on my website.
As always, thank you for your ongoing interest and unremitting support!
***
Favorite Drink:
Vodka Soda
Big cup
1 part vodka, 1 part soda
Extra limes
***
Sydney MacDonald recently graduated from Illinois Wesleyan University, majoring in Business Administration and English Writing. Her favorite food is rotisserie chicken.
Twitter: @sydstears
Instagram: @sydney_macdonald
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image: MM Kaufman
Rejection Letters 