In a drunken haze last year, I had the good fortune of of interviewing the only poet who thinks you don’t deserve to read his poems–JUNK FUNKY.
Check this shit out:
DT
We should all get high.
JUNK
IM NEVER NOT
DT
How high?
JUNK
IM STACKED UP
OVER LA GUARDIA
AND I AINT COMING DOWN
FOR ANYONE
NOT EVEN YOU
DT
Cough syrup and edibles Or edibles and cough syrup?
JUNK
LEAN AND COCAINE
WITH HASH
TO SMOOTH THE
EDGE
DT
Death or destruction?
JUNK
BOTH
BABY
DT
Ultimate Warrior or Glen Danzig?
JUNK
MOTHER
TELL YOUR
CHILDREN
NOT TO
WALK MY
WAY
ULTIMATE WARRIOR
HAS FRILLS
NOTHING WITH
FRILLS
IS HARD
DT
Andre the Giant or SARS
JUNK
SARS CANT DRINK
119 BEERS IN ONE
SITTING
ANDRE ALL THE WAY
DT
A demon grants you one wish. What is it?
JUNK
THE ABILITY TO FREEZE
AND UNFREEZE TIME
DT
JFK is a figment of your imagination and we all live in a simulation. Your real name is Del. What’s your profession?
JUNK
MANAGER
FOR
KING CRIMSON
DT
BBQ one human body part. Which?
JUNK
ANYONE WHO
DOESNT SAY LEG
IS A WHOLE ASS CIRCUS
WHO WILL STARVE
TO DEATH
DT
Birds aren’t real?
JUNK
BIRDS ARE BIRDS
WHY DO I
GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT THEM
DT
What beer?
JUNK
NO BEER
THUNDERBIRD
DT
You get to turn your right arm into any weapon you want.
JUNK
KSG 25
UNLIMITED BUCKSHOT
DT
Last Question. Why the fuck?
JUNK
IT IS MY NATURE
***
I SELL KNIVES AND
WORK AT A CEMETARY. NO ONE
CARES ABOUT ME. AND IF YOU DO
YOURE A
KNUCKLEHEAD.
-JUNK
Rejection Letters 