If you don’t know Dave…well, it’s your own fault. Dave is a poet, a writer of poems — poems, by Dave! His first book of poems, Dave: poems volume 1: I AM DAVE_HELLO, was self-published earlier this year on Amazon. I chatted with Dave via DM on the Twitter. All his responses are exactly how he wrote them, as they should be.
DT: Dave! Let’s do this interview!
Dave: Yeahb goid idea
DT: What’s on your mind?
Dave: Thinking about pushcars today DJ! What about Uo9?
DT: I saw the nominations were out. Did you get nominated for anything?
Dave: Yeah I thinks sio
DT: Rad. Is your son still saying sucks a lot?
Dave: Yh *Frowning face*
DT: That sucks. How old is he?
Dave: Sow DCD I GEt tkn clean something. He’s young!! BrB
(Dave left the interview for about half an hour)
Dave: thanks dj! im here fro jsuats a seconds. Busying grocries! Here do yuo live Dt?
DT: I’m in California, Dave. How about you?
Dave: Ccoolifornia Dt! *Smiling face with sunglasses* Alot of burrtoa in California. HAppy forhe interveiw dj too thans
DT: Thanks for everything, Dave. This is perfect.
Dave: hapPy to gelp Dt! Cool for yuor magzine. Hapy to anser any qutseions yuo have too. *Partying face*
(At this point, I thought Dave had abruptly ended our interview. I was wrong.)
DT: Dave! Let’s keep talking!
Dave: Hi! I tho we ere being finish??
DT: I mean, I thought you were ending the interview but I’m down to keep going! Trying to respect how busy you are writing poems.
Dave: I’m woking a nivel now DVD. Butt it’s good
DT: Yeah!? What’s it about?
Dave: Thanks for adking me
DT: Have you ever written fiction before, Dave?
Dave: You mean like not real?
DT: Like not real, yeah
Dave: I make up my own thinking and then use lots of ideas. Hah. Yeah! Like poems.
DT: Rad! Have you submitted any (new poems) to be published anywhere?
Dave: Yeap
DT: Any acceptances?
Dave: Amazin was amazonwa and accepting my book vol1 of poems
DT: When can we expect volume 2? Or are you waiting until after you’re done with your novel to work on Volume II of poetry?
Dave: There’s time for my novel and I’m happy about that. Feels like a bird and a work, something soft and itching in that way that’s like DAve in the shower. Doyiuwk know what I mean?
DT: That’s pretty deep, Dave. Yeah, I definitely know what you mean. That’s why I bring beers in the shower with me. What’s your favorite shower beer, Dave?
Dave: Coolfor the showers dt. I us to drink les so now thouh! No party anilmals. Showbeer was A http://reddit.com thing! Oh! Als my novel is abot Sam whos friends wieht dave and kosh and lives in tornado city and sellls a big book to simon shcuster
DT: What’s a reddit, Dave?
Dave: http://rwddit.com is a intrnte content aggregatarp and yhey made showerbweers
DT: Good for you for not partying as much. I wish I could stop but I kinda love to party. Your novel sounds rad. Are you a fan of tornados?
Dave: Youv a fan that maktes Toronto’s??
DT: Do you live in Toronto, Dave? I heard it’s pretty chilly over there.
Dave: Where’s tornata?? I’m from my home, quth my boosn and stuff. WhOs your favourite DVD?
DT: Lou Reed is pretty rad. How about you? Who’s your favorite?
Dave: Big dann of house musc personally thanks dt but i was say DV d likeovies but now I live in Calfornia. Waht kindof parties you go to DJ? HAha lookslike Im the interviewe now DT! dont get rejected! *Smiling face with sunglasses*
DT: You got me! Favorite movie: Big Lebowski for sure. How about you? I don’t party right now because of covid, but when I do, mostly just as bars with my wife and friends.
Dave: i lIke Lou Reed had yuo heard of it?
DT: What kinda parties are you into, Dave?
Dave: Goodto be sage! I dont have covid ao Im ok to partyr but i dont have many to go!
uSed to be many paeties in spain and othrs too but now iM just a Sad and having fun!
*Sun with face*
DT: What’s a Sad, Dave?
Dave: ooop! Meaning Dadd thanks Dt xan yuo fix that one in thr eeodya? tuping fast. puting in Lamnate flooring!
DT: I really hope you get to party again one day, Dave. I hope we all do. Maybe one day we can party together. Before we end this interview (and actually, like, really end it), do you have any advice for poets out there?
Dave: Stay! Dave *Smiling face with sunglasses* And eat mellons with your friebds. hold someone’s hands when they yawn! Think about spiders when you drink coffee!!! And believe in the Birds. Write a po=eom using your ideas. *Smiling face with sunglasses*
Think before. Thanks for being my DVD
*Thumbs down*
*DVD
*Thumbs down*
**DMD
****JT
xxxxxxxxxx
DT: Damn good advice, Dave. Interview over.
Bonus rapid-fire interview:
DT: Where do burritos go when they die?
Dave: Burritos are food DT! *silly Grinning cat face with smiling eyes*
DT: Ham and cheese, but what cheese?
Dave: Thanks Dt! Just the cheese please i liek pigfriends. Cheese wedgesand but i Like sharpe xheddar please! verry crumbles with mustrd. how About yourself DJ?
DT: I love cheese, Dave! Thanks for asking! Who killed JFK?
Dave: *Cool Smiling face with sunglasses*Whose Jgk?
DT: A bear is chasing you. What do you do?
Dave: Hi Bear! I probbly run faster then the bear! Sory! Prettty fast liek poems -Dab Do yuo kno any bears DR?
DT: One of my best friends is named Bear, Dave!
Dave: Cool! Suonds soft frend for you
DT: Skate or die?
Dave: Weall die dt aorry to say foryou. I skate Verticals thoug! prcticing my lip tracks
DT: Benadryl or Robitussin?
Dave: No thaanks!
DT: Demons or beer?
Dave: Weird mchoice! No for me sory just like bendryril anseer i Guess
DT: (Last question) Are birds real?
Dave: Hi yes Dt you better velieve in them!
***
Dave’s bio: Hello, nice t meet you. I am Dave I hope you like me.
Rejection Letters 