my therapist asks me, blake, can you please tell me: what have you lost and what have you found?
i really don’t want to answer, but:
a new oat milk brand. wellbutrin.
i drink cappuccino. i fetishize my suffering on social media.
my most recent google search: how to be gorgeous.
i make typos when texting the people i love.
the people i hate get immaculate messages.
it takes more energy to hate people perfectly.
i let someone ruin my favorite black shirt.
i wear it on days where i want to self-sabotage.
i pleasure myself because i have no one to pleasure.
i’m walking in a park and someone acknowledges me: that means i’m alive. death is only beautiful when you think of it as uninterrupted waiting.
i’m sending smoke signals to my former partners.
last week, i ran through a parking lot with a stranger from twitter.
we held hands the entire time.
blake levario is a Mexican-American student and poetry fellow at New York University’s MFA program. His words can be found in or are forthcoming from Pidgeonholes, Hobart, Alien Magazine, and elsewhere. blake is on Twitter @b_levario, where he frequently uses ‘<3.”
image: Lindsay Hargrave