Self-Portrait as Wine Mom

My therapist tells me I need to be more direct,
so fuck you. Sorry,  I don’t have it in me
to try and ameliorate your deciduous desire.
I got into gardening recently, if you haven’t noticed.
It’s very cerebral and I like how it makes me feel.
Harvesting tomatoes from the wet loam, trimming
wisps of coriander in the dingy light..
Listen Dorko,
all I wanted was two martinis and a good laugh,
maybe some rosé in that corner festooned
with the estuary and portrait of Jesus.
You don’t understand:
I’m trying to rewrite my treasonous history,
to rework it into something small and tidy.
You’ll never understand being told you’re a catch
and feeling more like a fish
wheezing on the concrete. My heart
is a caliphate you will never conquer.


Ben Togut is a queer poet and singer-songwriter from New York City. He has received national recognition in the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards, as well as an honorable mention from The Wesleyan University Hamilton Prize for Creativity. His recent work is published or forthcoming in Rust + Moth, Glass: A Journal of Poetry (Poets Resist), and DIALOGIST. He is an undergrad at Wesleyan University.