Dear Skinny Jeans,
We regret to inform you that, while we did enjoy your panache, we can no longer accept you at this time.
We do acknowledge the impact your work has made on the market, and would like to congratulate you on your achievements. Some would argue that you became the cornerstone of an entire generation’s wardrobe. Customers of all ages and genders have reaped the benefits of your sleek, form enhancing allure. However, in these uncertain times, when millions of people around the world are indefinitely self-quarantined due to an unforeseen global pandemic, we are angling towards comfort as opposed to style.
In the past, the streamlined, sexy appeal of your tailored approach has been essential in the illusion of slimness, in accentuating the curves of the body. There is, unfortunately, a lack of breathing room which is hard to ignore, resulting in creases around the abdomen and a fair bit of discomfort. In addition to this your side seams leave an indentation which lingers for quite some time after removal. This renders you impractical for use by the average wearer in isolation.
Since we’ve experienced previous success with you, we would like to offer a few suggestions for improvement. If you would consider an elastic waist band and a slightly relaxed material, we believe you could make a comeback. We understand the challenge this presents when other products such as the Jegging and the Legging are available, but we have confidence in your ability to maintain your unique image.
We know fashion is fickle, and we understand how difficult it is to adapt to changing trends and cycles. Pants in particular are problematic in these unprecedented times. Please do not take this as a reflection on the quality of your fabrication. These things are much more about fit and timing, than your merit as an item of apparel.
Coco Chanel once said, “Fashion has two purposes, comfort and love.” At this time, we agree wholeheartedly with the former.
We wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Legs
***
Sara Dobbie is a Canadian fiction writer from Southern Ontario. Her work has appeared in Mooky Chick, Trampset, Spelk, The Cabinet of Heed, Crab Fat Magazine, Ellipsis Zine, and elswhwere. Look for stories forthcoming from Fiction Kitchen Berlin, Dreamers Creative Writing, Emerge Literary Journal, Change Seven Magazine, and follow her on Twitter @sbdobbie.
Rejection Letters 