“This metaphor in the third poem is amazing, and the last line – gut-punch! Should we shortlist it?”
“This is an experimental poetry magazine and that frigging rhymes. No.”
“So we …”
“So we send a rejection.”
Dear Numpty L—-,
Thank you for your submission. While we appreciate the chance to read your work, we regret that we are unable to accept it for publication. You’re really good, but did you have to rhyme, like, every second line? It does say ‘experimental’ and ‘avant-garde’ in the guidelines, you know.
We wish you the best of luck finding homes for these poems!
Sincerely
Y– S—
***
“Onto the next one… Okay, this is pretty experimental. Good too.”
“Yes … But the writer lives in X–. This is a print magazine with no budget and that’s half-way around the world.”
“So … Okay, yeah, got it.”
Dear Writer who lives in a country whose name I can’t pronounce I—-,
Thank you for your submission. While we appreciate the chance to read your work, we regret that we are unable to accept it for publication. Hard luck, old bean, because your work is to me what Baby Bear’s porridge was to Goldilocks, but you live way too far and intl postage prices are just ridic these days.
We wish you the best of luck finding homes for these poems!
Sincerely
Y– S—
***
“Well that’s done. What’s left on the TBR pile?”
“Let’s see … this one’s lame, this one forgot to attach the file … and this one, well. This one really needs to get professional help …”
“Nothing then. What are we going to do?”
“Extend the deadline by a week and tweet, post, insta our call for subs every day.”
“Right. Do you want me to order pizza for lunch?”
“No way. We’ve already had pizza twice this week.”
Dear crunchy cheese and meat delight P—-,
Thank you for your existence. While we appreciate the chance to eat you up, we regret that we are unable to accept you for lunch. Even though I really, really want to, twice a week is probably quite enough and my waistline is telling me to grab a salad instead.
We wish you the best of luck finding tums for those slices!
Sincerely
Y– S—
***
Hibah Shabkhez is a writer of the half-yo literary tradition, an erratic language-learning enthusiast, a teacher of French as a foreign language and a happily eccentric blogger from Lahore, Pakistan. Her work has previously appeared in the Rockford Review, Qwerty, The Blue Nib, Ligeia, Cordite Poetry, Headway Quarterly and a number of other literary magazines. Studying life, languages and literature from a comparative perspective across linguistic and cultural boundaries holds a particular fascination for her.
Blog: https://hibahshabkhezxicc.wordpress.com/
Twitter: @hibahshabkhez
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hibahshabkhezsarusaihiryu/
Instagram: @shabkhez_hibah
Rejection Letters 