Rejection Letter: Mark Mayes


Thank you for your submission, which we have read with great interest.

At this point in time, we may not be in a position to offer representation, although your work certainly shows some merit.

Yes, there is merit there, but also a peculiar amount of hate. And while we appreciate you may be suffering from some mental bother or affliction, this can never be an excuse for hate, or indeed a challenge to the diversity of our overall programme here at Ghosh, Pencil, & Crabtree.

If it were up to me, I would have gone for it, no question, and I am taking a chance in writing this, so please don’t pass it on, but yes, I am with you, in spirit, but not in word, as my salary depends on keeping this sort of thing on the hush-hush.

You mention something about a three-legged cat, who is without appropriate supervision, and while this does not come under our usual rubric, we would be willing to undertake a certain amount of preliminary work with a view of coming to some meeting of minds, as long as you offer us first rights in all countries and territories (likewise TV tie-ins, if applicable).

Please do not be offended by this response, as we are only human, with pain and stuckness and ignorance of our own to contend with, and we weep for the lost innocence of our childhood, which was, after all, not so innocent.

As a final note, do meet me at Dunkin Donuts at 134 West Avenue, Tuesday next, at 8pm. I will be wearing a battered old homburg and carrying a copy of Die Welt.

With deepest respect,



Mark Mayes enjoys writing mainly fiction and poems. On the side, he also writes songs, and has of late begun trying his hand at short pieces of non-fiction. One day he’d also like to write a play. Find him on Twitter.