We’re so excited that you decided to join our upcoming Twitter Pitch Event #PitTheFuckOutOfHere.
This year, it will be held in alternating months of July, September, and November. Next year, it will be held in January, March, May, and whenever the hell else we decide to do it and as often as we need to until our own books are snapped up by agents and publishers.
We’re going to say that this event is about building community and supporting each other in our writing, (and we expect you to say it too!), but that’s a load of bullshit.
It’s about publishing or literally perishing. We’re authors. We’ve been telling people that’s who we are our whole lives. But now that we’re too old to be considered bright, precocious, and emerging, we have to do something because our unpaid publications in Cacophony Journal, Witching Hour Magazine, and Bright Young Things aren’t enough to pay the rent, keep the lights on, or buy groceries. Not even Ramen noodles and Chef Boyardee.
Edgar Allen Poe may have had an award named after him, and he may be the godfather of at least two genres, but you know how he died, right? Alone and broke. That’s not going to be us.
So, while it looks good for our future promotional materials if your book gets discovered and subsequently sold, what really matters is that ours does.
Be sure to follow us on Twitter, boost our pitches, subscribe to our newsletter and take our online pre-pitch class, which we’re offering right now for the low, low price of $5000. But, if you sign up before midnight tonight, you can take advantage of the Cinderella special where you can get the whole 12 hours of online recorded classes AND a custom autographed pack of Post-It Notes for only $399.99 plus $80 shipping and handling.
Good luck with your pitch (and better luck with ours)!
Sincerely,
The Founders,
Nikki with a double K Nissan and Bendan with a B Barnes
(Also, this is totally optional, but we’re also offering pre-pitch tarot card readings to boost your chances of success for only $65 per 15 minutes or $85 for 25 minutes).
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Lori D’Angelo is a grant recipient from the Elizabeth George Foundation and an alumna of the Community of Writers at Squaw Valley. Recent work has appeared in Idle Ink, JAKE, One Art Poetry Journal, Toil & Trouble, and Wrong Turn Lit. Find her on Twitter @sclly21 or Instagram and Threads at lori.dangelo1.
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image: Ashley Beresch. Check out more of her work on Instagram @ashleyberesch
Rejection Letters 