To Whomever Caused Us Concern,
Fuck you for giving us the opportunity to read “Your Mouth Full of Someone Else’s Teeth.” We are happy to inform you that we will not be publishing the story in our SPRING 2024 issue.
While the piece is undoubtedly well written, our editorial staff found your story incredibly disturbing. It has caused irrevocable damage and left most of us in psychological distress.
We have one question for you. Where are the teeth coming from?
I read your story last week and woke up the next morning with a mouth full of someone else’s teeth. I called in sick and explained what had happened to my boss; he’s been missing for eight days.
I told another one of my colleagues what happened. She read your story and walked in the next morning covered in vomit and teeth, screaming and tearing out her hair until we called security. She bled all over the carpet and no one wants to clean up the teeth.
I keep telling the story to more and more people, hoping that someone will call me crazy, hoping that someone will tell me I’m imagining things, but more and more of my colleagues and friends are waking up with their mouths full of someone else’s teeth.
Please help us. We’re desperate.
How do we get rid of the teeth?
Sincerely Yours,
The Remaining Staff of The [REDACTED] Review
***
Andrew Rivas has written five books, including a crime thriller called EAT THE RICH and a memoir about being held illegally in a psych ward for seventeen days following a suicide attempt. He is a normal man that will continue writing weird and hyper-specific fiction until someone forces him to stop. He is 35 and lives in New York.
***
image: Jade Hawk is a meat popsicle.
Rejection Letters 