SALEM CITY
What started as a legitimate effort by the people of Salem City to root out those that used magic or supernatural powers to harm others quickly deteriorated into a witch hunt.
WHISTLER’S MOTHER
I wondered where the Supreme Court justices got all those valuable paintings they had on the walls. And where some of the justices got those top hats they were wearing.
“Wait,” I said. “This is Whistler’s Mother!”
“Used to be, maybe,” said the chief justice. “It’s my mother now.”
TUNING FORK
I got a new tuning fork. I’ve never seen meat vibrate this way before.
FRANCIS
Francis the Double-Talking Mule wasted lots of time getting into long philosophical discussions with the folks in the psych ward, saying things like “I’m not really a double-talking mule, you know. I’m a metaphor of mankind’s carelessness and greed.” Of course, everyone knew better.
GOMER
Gomer stuck his head in the door. “Barney said I should throw out the garbage,” he said. “What’s my motivation?”
“The garbage stole your girl,” said Andy.
“It did? Why that dirty…”
Gomer left, thoroughly motivated.
SHOWER
I’d just finished installing a shower in their elevator. Then I found out I wasn’t welcome there anymore. According to the butler—and this was later confirmed by an even bigger butler—the family banned me. Something about my personality, they said; too much personality, I guess.
MANHATTAN
Manhattan looked different. There were no buildings at all. People lived in caves, if they could find them. Or on the ground with a “cave view,” if that’s all they could get. They dressed in dried leaves and crud, and ate the same stuff they were wearing, sometimes while wearing it.
AT FIRST
At first I didn’t mind living next door to a mad scientist but after a while I started to get irritated by the insane laughter coming from his laboratory at all hours of the day and night.
***
Mike Topp was born in Washington, D.C. and currently lives in New York City unless he has died or moved. He’s recently been published in the Brooklyn Rail, HAD and X-R-A-Y Literary Magazine, and has been interviewed by Ben Niespodziany. He has collaborated on books with Sparrow and Raymond Pettibon.
image: MM Kaufman
Rejection Letters 